What do you do
What do you do
when the person
you trust the most in the world
turns up all lies
What do you do
when this happens
again and again to you
what do you do
when death
refuses to be an option
and life is no good
What do you do
when all you can do
is what you can’t do.
I miss you Mom
My mom came down to visit me this weekend.And, as she was about to leave, I could not hold myself back.I felt the same way as I felt on my first day in creche.
I was around 2 or 2 and a half years then.The moment I realized she was about to leave me for whole day at an unfamiliar place, I started crying at the top of my lungs.She hugged me and soothed me and told me I was a strong girl and that she knew I’ll manage well.I stood there tearfully,incessantly sobbing as I watched the door between her and me shut down.And as she looked back at me, I could see helplessness in her eyes and how heartbroken she was.She looked the same picture now.And I felt like the same kid.For a moment, nothing else mattered or existed for me , except for that mother-daughter relationship.And I wished I could forget all my responsibilities, ties and traditions and could simply walk home with her.
And as she left,I realize that I live this wish everyday.From the day I got separated from my Mom.Everyday ,when I head back home,I wish I could go to my mother’s ,without any justification,reason or occasion.Every time I feel low, I wish I could cry my way to her, like I have always used to .But I am an adult now..
…adult as helpless as a kid being left in the creche.
A quickie
Summers are here.Gulmohurs have started blooming into an orange-red burst.I like this season.May be because spending my day hooked to a laptop in the cool ambience of AC, spares me from the fury of the sun.
I have been reading Ruskin Bond books again.Thanks to the people who love me.The Kitemaker and a Ghost stories Collection edited by Ruskin bond.I feel like alive again whenever I read books.
Apart from that , I have started treading the unexplored territories in my life, ie watching horror movies.Resident Evil being the first one.Yes yes, the movie isn’t actually a horror movie.But since I used to think of it as a horror movie, so I guess , its good for the starter.
Also, I am a proud owner of an Iphone4 now.So, finally I can discuss (more :P)intelligently about the smartphones and the technology,my latest fad these days.
And,I am painting these day.Not the intricate fine paintings.But just basic coloring on earthern posts.Again, I guess,good enough for the one who can’t tell a paintbrush from a toothbrush :P
But certain things never change..like my love for pizza.
So, it sounds more like an update post than a real post , but sometimes , you need to talk about yourself.
Spring of love
In the vast stillness of midnight,I realized this…my favorite season is back..its a lovely lovely weather..I would say this is March weather pre-poned.The harsh coldness has been replaced with a romantic coolness.The leaves join the symphony in the evening when the breeze plays the music.And don’t I just love it..the mercury lamps aglow,people out on road-jogging,chatting,celebrating a spring called life.
And yes,this is finally the month of love :).I still remember the hype that was attached to the Valentine’s week in college times.Apart from festivals,birthday and Valentine used to be the most awaited.If not from boys, we girls would indulge each other with cards,roses,chocolates etc and made each other feel special in our own ways.The hype has died down for me years later when I realize its rose day or a hug day by a stray mail or a message.Valentine is round the corner and I can’t feel it..man-made hype notwithstanding.
What I can feel is ..spring in the air which talks itself to me..and asks me to write down what it tells to me.
Coming back..
I am evolving,and so is my blog going to.My new name in this new life is Bani.Bani Chaswal.Around1 quarter of my life,I spent as Deeksha Mehta.On blogs as Sehar and Suditi.But now,they all have culminated into Bani..the sacred voice.
I ‘ll soon post about Andamans and how this place is every traveller’s delight.I also look forward to write about well I don’t know what al.But I do want to write!To make a comeback to my most fav task.
See ya soon!
26 August,2010
It was time to say goodbye – to the name Noodles of Korea-since I am back to India for what seems like for-good.Though lot of Korean experiences still yearn to be shared.Though I love noodles :) (and pizza and pasta and french fries and burger) and it’s hard to let go a name which brings the thought of intriguing,tasty noodles-I still think I should not be missing on sharing other details of my trivial little life .
30 July,2010
God definitely is God.While enjoying spring in South Korea,I had developed a fear of scorching heat of Delhi summers.But monsoons poured in as soon as I landed, and weather has never been a pain after that.
Work keeps me on my heels.And that makes me think.What’s important for happiness and what’s not ,what’s the greater purpose of life and all, how will it matter if I die as an inconsequential element like millions of others, or how will it not and at times, I explain to myself the cycles of life and death.I guess that’s work pressure talking :P
India
I am back to India and even though I still have to get used to harsh sun,dust,jams and road rages and potholed roads,I loved it as earthworms flocked our verandah when it rained.I realized there are a few things that belong only to India – the stories of a struggle of lifetime behind the wrinkled faces riding bicyle to work,street smartness in the road side vendors and auto wallahs and every second body trying to make few extra fast bucks, uncertainity of the next meal for an old person pushing a loaded cart. It seems ironical sometimes.
Delicious Tteokbeokki
This is the picture of finger-licking Tteokbokki I had at “Crazy Tteok” near Seoul Nat’l University Subway station(exit 3).It contains fried tofu,boiled eggs,dumplings(mandoo in Korean),noodles (ramyeon in korean),fish cakes, vegetables and tteok (sliced rice cakes) of course.
Stirring the tteok dish
The sauce used is Gochujang- Korean Traditional Sauce made of red (hot) chilli pepper,rice powder,soybean along with some syrup which adds the sweetness to the spicy sauce.
Sounds and Looks sumptuous isn’t it?
Other on the menu were seafood tteok,curry tteok,bulgogi tteok and cheese tteok!.
Tteokbokkis are of two kinds – the one usually served by roadside snacks’ vendors – which is just sliced rice cake in spicy sauce ,and the other served in restaurants – customized – and more variety added like the one here in the picture.
Tteokbokki stirred hot at table
After the main dish , to consume the sauce left,generally rice is ordered which is then stirred with the sauce.
The picture of golden rice in sauce with cheese.
Rice ,cheese and sauce
Feeling hungry?
My life in a seashell….
<This is an old post about a cherished experience from another blog of mine – here – since I am collating my Korean experiences here>
Place :Haeundae Beach,Busan
Date : 12 Sep,2009
The dusk has set in;the sky is eerie-ready to engulf everything. It is cold like any cloudy day is. I open my eyes to find myself facing the dark sky and surrounded by lights and occasional fireworks. I am resting on sand and the seashore is close. The musical waves return to the heart of the sea after every desperate attempt to reach out to us. A cool breeze with heaviness of sea water fills my lungs. I just woke up from a deep peaceful nap.But I believe am still dreaming. Its another dreamland where I sit calmly,my feet buried in sand, facing the night,the sea,the milky waves in mud like water ;retrospecting how I spent a dream like day.
We leave for Busan beach on Friday night.It has been drizzling all the way. Raindrops falling on window panes make haphazard patterns.To some people they make sense.And me,I am simply lost in their ethereal beauty. We reach Busan station at 3 in morning.After spending an hour at the station,craving for a cozy bed,we catch a taxi to Haeundae beach in anticipation of watching the sun rise from behind the sea.It is still dark,and drizzling.Walking on wide empty roads of Haeundae Beach across lane of mostly closed and a few open shops,we feel hungry and homeless. After indulging in a hot cup of coffee at a coffee shop,we reach the sea shore.People are jogging around,cycling or busy with morning exercise,while we are the punctual tourists – worn out and tired – who have travelled whole night to be here. For me,its a new space opened up inside my mind and inside my heart.A new thread added to the beautiful world I live in my dreams-sea and its heart. The day is unusually cold.Somehow the saltiness of water keeps me and Nidhi away from it.So,I and Nidhi stay at the shore while the guys jump in. And here,I find a beautiful sea shell. As if I have found some purpose in my life,I start walking over the beach line searching for sea shells .With every wave, the sea will bring thousands of sea shells and take away thousands of them;as if it is opening up its treasure for us and at times, keeping some for its own.And I and Nidhi are experiencing range of emotions -disappointment -when a b’ful sea shell will be washed away by strong waves.Awed -by magnificent colors of sea shells;excitement that belongs to a kid – while looking heartily at our collection. After spending hours collecting our treasure of sea shells.we move to Busan aquarium.Bewildered we move around looking at the myriad variety of fishes and all the wonders the sea holds in its heart.In this world, everything is awe inspiring,magnificent and rich in hues.The sharks,queen angel fish,cow fish,sea horses,penguins,ottor,seal,piranhas,moon jelly fish,octopus,sea weeds,sea dragons,prawns-new kind of people I met.
The emerald green water of sea and the color of sand left an imprint on my heart. And are left in my fondest of memories-the coolness that penetrated into my heart from my feet buried in sand,the breeze I could feel in my lungs,the music of milky water waves that came gushing and running and playing and took away the sand beneath my feet.
We live for such moments -rest of the time,we just spend – for the sake of these moments;dreaming about them.And I wished, in such one moment of my life, I was with my loved ones. While I write this ,the waves absorb me again and again;and the mystifying feeling of the sand underneath my feet knocks occasionally.
